Recently I received a message from one of my lovely blog readers, asking if I could please write a post on a specific dating-related topic. As I read her email, I realised she was essentially wanting to know what every other heterosexual gal on the face of the earth is also desperate to know:
“How the heck can I get the guy I’m crushing on to take an interest in me?”
After pondering her question for a while, I decided that instead of just writing an article speculating about the matter… I should call in the experts (AKA: actual guys) to take care of this one. And girls lemme tell ya – I really went to TOWN on this post. I enlisted the help of not only my male BFFs (of which I am so lucky to have a number of!), but childhood friends back home in England, v influential friends in LA, ex-boyfriends (yes, seriously), my girlfriend’s boyfriends, my girlfriend’s boyfriend’s friends, my dude Instagram followers AND my 14-year-old brother.
To my surprise, they were all more than willing to share their tips with me. One of my dearest friends even prefaced his advice with: “WOMEN NEED TO HEAR THIS”. In those words. In all caps. And TBH after compiling all of their wisdom, I really could not agree more. They have definitely taught me a thing or two and I’m positive you’ll find some gold in here as well!
So here it is. Some sage advice, on how to get a guy to take a serious interest in you. AND what not to do! From some bloody brilliant men, from all corners of the world… Listen and learn, ladies!
Adapt & improvise. If you’ve never had a boyfriend and so far your strategy isn’t working, change it up!
Be aggressive but also remain a challenge – guys really love that. It’s not an easy balance. But guys like when a girl takes a little bit of initiative (eg. If he’s beating around the bush or not moving at your desired pace, show you’re interested). Don’t be afraid to say: “Hey, we’ve been talking for X amount of time but we’ve never hung out. When are you taking me on a date?“. The delivery/way you say it is key. Phrase it so he thinks he’s the one fortunate enough to take you out.
Value and respect yourself – it’s rare to find a girl like that these days.
Take an interest in his interests.
Be passionate. Touch him unnecessarily. (Note: unnecessarily, not inappropriately). Find an excuse to make physical contact. You might have to push as far as being slightly obvious about it, males can be stupid. Can be…
Show him that you can make a positive impact on his life.
Be confident because you are probably beautiful. A girl who’s comfortable in herself will always be the most attractive.
Tell him what makes you desire him. Stroking the ego *in moderation* can be helpful.
Be aware that guys are now feeling this illusion of there being “more options” when it comes to girls, due to social media, Tinder and other dating apps. Now more than ever guys think that if they’re tied down in a relationship, then they’re ‘missing out’. Many are opting for FWB (friends with benefits) over committed relationships. You might have to put in a little more effort to lock a guy down.
Take pride in your appearance. We all know guys are very visual creatures. Be the best version of yourself outwardly as well as inwardly and he’ll think you’re too good of a catch to be just “friends with benefits”. He’ll want you and won’t want anyone else to have you.
Be playful. If the attraction is there, make sure it’s reinforced. An innuendo every now and then can go a long way.
Foreplay starts in the mind. You get someone in the mind… their body will always follow.
Be a little mysterious. Don’t say everything that comes into your head. It’s not all solid gold, sorry.
Be bold when expressing interest cause guys often don’t get ‘hints’. It’s better to make it clear than to spend 3 months hard out hinting and him still not being sure if you actually like him.
Don’t give up all the power. You have to play a little hard to get. Guys love a challenge. That’s why so many of them are into talking a girl up, sleeping with her and then once the challenge is gone, he moves on. Keeping the challenge there is always a useful tool.
Don’t have sex. Not straight away. That cheesy chick flick sh*t works. Except you don’t want to tell him how many dates it’s going to take.
Hook up too fast and he’ll lose interest. Take too long to hook up and he’ll probably also lose interest. You gotta find that sweet spot.
Don’t tell a dude everything then expect him to try to make conversation on a first date. If he knows everything about you beforehand, then it’s low-key boring.
Don’t be pushy and double text if he doesn’t reply within 5 minutes.
If you’re acting in a certain way with a dude to express interest, don’t let him see you acting that same way with others. He’ll think you’re just a friendly person and he’s not special.
Overly clingy = off the bat no-go.
Don’t constantly bring up your ex. It just shows you’re probably not over that chapter or ready to be stepping back into the dating scene.
Don’t invite him to meet your parents too soon.
If possible try not to message him all day every day. Check in, show interest in what he’s doing. But leave some space for conversation when he’s actually with you. Don’t be surprised if he’s had to update you on his day minute by minute via text and then has nothing to talk about when you’re together.
Don’t try to be the girl you think he wants. Be yourself. He’ll either like you or he won’t. The most you can do is be honest, sweet and loyal and if he isn’t into it then he isn’t gonna be.
Don’t throw yourself at him right off the bat because he will just think you’re “easy”.
Don’t ask what he’s thinking. Feel it. Try to understand body language and use your intuition to gauge his feelings.
If he’s not keen at first, just back off. Plant the seed, let it grow and trust the process. If you express interest, guaranteed he’ll at least think about it some more.