My gut and I have had a turbulent relationship over the years.
And unfortunately, I’m the problem.
See, my gut is a mysterious wise old sage; Constantly advising me what I should or shouldn’t do when it comes to certain situations and people. Whereas, I’m a stubborn little know-it-all who never takes advice and likes to pretend I know what I’m doing with my life (when I 100% don’t). What I hate to admit most… is that my gut is the one that is always right. Even when I desperately want it to be wrong.
The most profound example of this was the breakup I went through earlier this year. If you’re new to my blog – I’d been in a long-term relationship with a great guy who was seriously willing to put a diamond on my ring finger (Lord only knows why). He was my best friend, my rock, my biggest cheerleader and my equally goofy counterpart. We shared secrets, went on road trips, celebrated holidays, prayed with each other and dreamt dreams for the future. We held each other during hospital visits, mental breakdowns and funerals. There was nothing we went through without the other at our side.
After a year or so of dating, the topic of marriage started to come up a lot. Like most girls, I’ve often dreamed about and hypothetically planned my future ‘big day’ (I’m totally guilty of pinning extravagant dresses to my Pinterest boards and prematurely asking my friends if they’ll be in my bridal party). Though each time my boyfriend brought up the idea of engagement, for some reason, I felt sick.
Something repeatedly whispered from the deepest place within me “No, no no. This is not right for you”. Over and over again. Foolishly, I chose to ignore it completely, telling myself that maybe I simply “wasn’t ready”. Because let’s be real here – when you genuinely love someone and everything appears perfect on paper, it’s terribly hard to trust a “feeling” that comes from somewhere inside your small intestine. Where was the logic in this statement? What proof did my gut have? I couldn’t see any solid facts. So, my heart told my gut to shut up.
Unluckily (or perhaps luckily) for me, my gut did not shut up. In fact, it continued to harp on at me, for three long years. Nudging me, niggling me and refusing to let me rest. Until finally, I was so anxious and sleep deprived that I wearily made the world’s most difficult decision: To call it quits and end the relationship with no real reason other than “I just don’t feel right about us being together”. What followed were moments of doubt and fleeting twinges of regret, but ultimately, there was a deep-seated peace in my heart. Peace I had not felt in a very long time.
There’s an old adage: “The heart wants what it wants.” And this is true, but even more powerfully: “The gut knows what it knows.” We must always go with our gut above anything else. Because no matter what happens, I guarantee that wise little voice will always end up saying “I told you so”.
The reason I’m sharing this story with you guys is ’cause I feel the need to encourage you not to make the same mistake I did. Ignoring my gut resulted in heartbreak and pain for both parties, that we could’ve avoided or at the very least, minimised. I’m gonna take a guess and say most of you have either been in or will be in a relationship that makes you feel unsettled at some point. To make things even tougher, if your partner has great qualities, it’s monumentally harder to trust your intuition when it’s advising you to get the hell out of there.
However, I want to remind you of just how powerful the wisdom within you really is. Personally, I think “gut instinct” comes from more than just the pit of our stomachs. I believe there’s a supernatural element to the whole thing; I guess you could even call it a “God instinct”. But whatever you think this feeling is and wherever you believe it comes from, I’d say deep deep down, we all truly know what is best. We instinctively know what is good for us. And we also know what isn’t.
By holding onto the wrong things, we unintentionally deny ourselves every right thing that is waiting to come to fruition. In those moments when we realise our intuition is nudging our insides, we must be brave enough to say goodbye to something or someone that was not meant for us. To shut the door on “what could have been” and open a new one filled with potential and possibility. As a reward for our courage, we will no doubt receive the future we were always destined to live. Not to mention, our gut will finally quieten down and give us some long-awaited peace.
And if I’ve learnt anything lately, it’s that one day, it may just pipe back up again, completely out of the blue… and instead, clearly say:
“Yes. This. Now, this is right for you.”
But that’s a story for another time 😉